I’m no sexist. In fact, I am a subservient husband. To prove it, we follow a matriarchal system at home. Most of my friends are women. And I watch the Lifestyle Chanel. If I don’t get more feminist than that, then I’d buy “me” a leash and tie myself to a nearby post.
Even as a child, I have been an advocate of feminism. I know how a woman’s psyche works. I know for a fact that most women need constant tending and that they like it most when men play harmless or give second thoughts on making advances on them. A woman likes it when her man is impassioned by cooking and knitting (not that I dig and do crochets) and reading books. Unfortunately, I have been struck by reality when one day I had awaken to the harsh truth about my having let women take complete control. All of my lenience and generosity started to backfire.
There is a school of thought in my family which describes exactly how I’ve dealt with all the women in my life. I had to rephrase it because I had forgotten the exact saying, verbatim. But the thought goes something to this effect: “Remove the plow from the beast once and spend the rest of your life doing all its chores.” I cringed at how the metaphor was used to describe women in relationships. The idea of my mother and sisters having to “wear the plow” for the rest of their lives (or only from the time they got married) irked the most of me. So I vowed not to treat women like garbage.
When I watch the news and see husbands go to jail for beating their wives to death, my normal reaction would be to give a nod as a sign of my affirmation for the punishment they got. I guess God had designed men to be physically stronger than women because men can hold back on their emotions (this might explain why most casualties of heart-related fatalities are men). But sometimes women could be man’s worst nemesis. If men use brute force to channel their anger, women’s techniques of expressing their anger are more contrived, well-planned, and mentally-, emotionally-affective. Someone could just be hurt by a hard knuckle sandwich but when a woman starts talking (or shutting up as part of the cold treatment) it just breaks a man’s heart. I don’t know if the men I see are generally violent, but I know for a fact that when men start to unleash their hidden strengths, it must have been provoked to the point when the heart and the mind could not take anymore. Not all men are jerks. Some say that for every man’s success is a woman working behind the scenes, I still believe in that. But I do hope that if a woman happens to read this article she would also think it possible that for every man’s transgressions and misgivings she may have also been the one to blame.
Sure Signs Your Girlfriend/Fiancee is She-Hitler Waiting to Happen:
1. She never apologizes. Sometimes, it’s natural for couples to have squabbles from time to time. But the better side to it is that they can make amends after a fight. If your girlfriend or fiancee refuses to settle to admitting her faults or has gotten used to hearing you say “sorry” first or seeing you back-out from the confrontation. Be forewarned. Chances are a woman who behaves like this even during the premarital stages of your relationship will mostly likely be more assertive of her right to being right all the time once you have decided to tie the knot.
2. She hates your family or your family hates her. A woman who is hated by your family or who hates your family is a woman who assumes that she is in a different level in terms of values and priorities. A woman of this type may feel that she knows better when it comes to social courtesies and matters that involve strong moral issues. A person who grew up in a family that is either too lenient or too stringent with rules is most likely a person who will raise a family in the same manner.
3. She thinks she knows better. A woman who values her opinion more than others will most likely be the person to take charge of the entire household. This type of person is usually highly controlling and a total perfectionist. “You can’t say this.” “You can’t do that.” “You can’t talk to this person.” “You can’t be with that person.” “Where’s my remote.” “What took you so long?” “Why did you do that in front of the help?” “What are you wearing?” “Why is your father like that?” are a few of samples from a long list of derogatory comments that this person can come up with.
4. She’s immune to her own rules. When my wife told me that I was not supposed to treat the help with respect and courtesy, I thought that somehow maybe she had a point. I also thought that maybe she was right to tell me not to contradict her in front of the help.But when I made a minor slip-up once, she lectured me to total submission. Guess where? In front of the entire household! (neighbors included).
Possible Solutions to Like-Predicament:
1. Tell her about it. The chance of telling women of such caliber is nil. But still, there’s a small window of chance that you could reason with her. If she listens, great. If she begins to bombard you with accusations and straight-to-your-face denials, try the second step.
2. Assert yourself. Step up a bit. Raise the volume of your voice and be serious in making sure you get the message across. If she submits to this kind of treatment, maybe she’s caught off guard. There’s the chance she may be starting to consider your explanations point-by-point. If this ends with her raising her voice a decibel higher than your-already-raised voice, move to step 3.
3. Get outside help. I said “outside” and not “professional” help. There’s a big difference. Professional help will appear at the latter part of this article. When you get help, make sure this person is someone who means a lot to both of you, someone whose opinion you will respect and value. He/She need not be older. What’s important is that you truly know that this person is only after your welfare as a couple and not as individual people trying to get him/her to favor one of them.
4. Seek the counsel of professional people. Professionals include life coaches, psychologists, men and women of faith, support groups, therapists, etc. Needless to say, not all professionals will do the counseling for free. Chances are, their approach may prove to be effective, but only to a point. Therapists are not on-call 24/7. What if sudden outbursts suddenly happen in the middle of the night? If therapy does not work, seek second, third and even fourth opinion. If this still does not work, move to the last and most critical step.
5. GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP while you still can! This part is critical because it is life-changing. It will not affect only the person who opts for absolute separation, it will also affect the person left, not to mention the people involved in your lives as a couple. Since you have done all that you could to save your relationship, people will understand eventually that you had no other recourse but step 5. Remember: you are far from being toast because you haven’t tied the knot yet. But In case such qualities were discovered within the marriage, the only next best thing to do is to seek no other counsel other than that of legal.
If you made it to step 5 and still end up single, remember you have nothing to be sorry about. There is virtue in fidelity but at the end of the day, what really matters is how you bring out the best in one another. If you have failed in this aspect, it would be best to separate. Then strive to be the best person you can be, only this time, on your own.